Long Road Ahead…

After 2 weeks, we finally met with Dr. Suzanna. The night before a few of our friends came down and discussed on what we could/ should do to get some answers as to some of the medical negligences that KKH had done during the 3 days that I was there. Obviously to proceed with legal advise is what I’d really want to do. I’ll get to the details once I am ready. For now, as advised, we’ll just discuss with Dr. Suzanna first on what we went through and proceed from there.

It was so difficult to be there. Looking at other mums and their bumps. It would have been our 6th month scan today. I was trying so so hard to control my emotions. I wanted so much to just burst out crying. Why me? Why us? 🙁 I just tried to shift my focus to something else and just wait for our turn.

We were 2nd last to go in and we knew that the last couple would have to wait long before their turn. By the time we went in, it was already 5pm. The 1st thing that Dr. Suzanna did when she met us was to apologize for not calling us earlier after the whole ordeal. The husband mentioned to her that we had expected her to call since she was on leave when I was warded. She mentioned that she wanted to call but she knows that she was not emotionally strong and that she’d rather face us than to talk on the phone and not knowing our reactions and that certain views may be perceived differently. After saying that, her tears just flowed. I cried and she cried and it was just a crying session for a while. Even when she was on leave, she mentioned that she was not at ease.

Because I was only in my 21st week, there wasn’t really much that can be done. She did mentioned about a procedure called Cervical Cerclage, a procedure in which sutures are used to close the cervix — the lower part of the uterus that opens to the vagina — during pregnancy to help prevent premature birth. But #1, I was already dilating so it could not be done and #2, even if that procedure was done, and I manage to hold on to the babies for another 2 weeks, the babies may have severe medical conditions. She believed that my fall could not have caused the premature delivery and that I may be battling with something else that day as some blood readings were abnormal on my end.

We then related what happened to us to her and she was shocked. I told her, I do not have any issues with her, ivf, Dr. Sadhana, everything with them has been smooth and perfect but the standard delivered in the ward was way different. As 1st time parents, it made us have 2nd thought altogether about KKH. She is personally looking into this and helping us to lodge a complain and at the same time we would also be lodging a complain on our end.

Putting that aside for now, moving ahead, she said that after the test done and if I am easily dilating during a pregnancy, I will have to go through the Cervical Cerclage if I had another pregnancy…. 🙁 She also asked us if we wanted to utilize the balance embryos that we had. Truthfully after what happened, we told her if we could just do IVF and meet her but then deliver in another hospital. It was that bad of an ordeal that makes us think twice to use KKH again… If we’d like to try naturally, it’s best to let at least 2 cycles pass. But with my PCOS, it’s hard to say when, so we’ll see.

We told her that we’d just like to rest for now and she advised us to come for a follow-up check-up to see how I am and how ready am I to proceed with another pregnancy and at the same time she’d also refer us to Dr. Sadhana to discuss about IVF again. Upon making payments and securing the appointments, we realised that it was on our EDD, 19 Jan 2015 🙁

I’m glad I met with Dr. Suzanna and her explanations and the fact that she told us that we too should lodge the complain and that she is assisting us to further investigate the matter and if there is anything wrong with me (like as if I don’t have a long list of issues on my end… bleargh!) and what can be done to prevent it. It’s going to be a long road ahead of us should we choose to continue with the journey.

Going off later on, in the car, I was telling the husband that it’s one problem after another with me. Getting pregnant itself is an issue, and having the babies to stay full term is another issue… I feel that I am such a let down to him, his dad, my parents and my only grandmum left.

We left without realising that Dr Suzanna forgot to issue the meds for me to stop lactating. So the next day, I called KKH’s mainline coz I can’t seem to find the number for Clinic D. So they returned my call abt an hour later mentioning that they will get a nurse from Clinic D to return my call.

The next day, I received that call and the conversation just made me wanna get through the phone and bash her up…

Nurse: So you mentioned that you require the medication to stop lactating?
Me: Yup, Dr. Suzanna forgot to print out the prescription but she is aware of it.
Nurse: Let me check if it’s in the system…. Sorry its not in the system. So why do you want to stop breast-feeding your child?
Me: (I swear if she was in front of me I could’ve punched her!) Because my babies died!
Nurse: Ouh ok… I’ll check and get back to you.
Me: (already agitated) By when would that be?
Nurse: I won’t know coz Dr. Suzanna is not in today. She may have some operations going on.
Me: So you expect me to suffer over the weekend? If anything happens to me, would you want to be responsible! (already raising my voice!)
Nurse: No, no I’ll try to call her and get bk to you again.

So when she called back a little later, she tried to explain that Dr. Suzanna forgot to print the slip… I mention yes I know that is whyy I called in the 1st place… Sheesh! They had my IC number. They checked my files… so don’t they read the case notes first before asking stupid questions. I was already crying by then… 🙁 After collecting the meds, I hope I won’t have much dealings with the staffs till my next appointment… *tsk*

With that said, I chanced upon this video on Facebook. I wouldn’t have the strength to have to go through what this couple went through. I know of some friends who shared something similar and I do salute them for slowly moving on. I only went through 1 ordeal and I am a wreck. There are others who went through 3 or more and staying strong.


  1. Tini,

    It’s really hard for me to tell u to stay strong because if it happened to me, i’m not sure if i could be just as strong as you & your hubby. Not sure what kind of medical negligence KKH did but if it’ll give you closure, i say fight for it. Please don’t feel like you’re a let down to your family. I think above all, they just want you to recover from this, physically and emotionally.

    Both you and your husband need each other right now. It might be a long road ahead with lotsa twist & turns but you both have come along so far in this journey together, went through so much together on this road trip, just keep going, Insha Allah, you will reach your destination really soon. I pray for nothing but the best for you and your hubby. *hugs*

    1. I was just updating this post, forgot another stupid thing a nurse said to me and your comment came in.

      Thank you Dyan. Much appreciated. Insyaallah. I hope whatever happen to me will not happen to others. Will update on that soon. At least those reading knows what to do and take precaution if taking KKH or even other hospitals.

      Hope both you and baby are doing fine. 🙂 Jiayo! 3 more mths to go!

  2. Hello Tini. I have a similar case as you. Just that I have no idea if it’s pcos or not because I’m too scared to follow up. I have a family history of cancer too, I lost my dad to cancer..

    My menses stopped when I was 16, it came twice with the help of medication that kkh gave me and once naturally (so shocking!) last July. Now I’m 22, and I just got married in October.

    My weight used to be acceptable, but eversince my menses stopped, I gained a whole lot of weight and am double the size I used to be. 1st doctor said I had ammenorrhea, 2nd said it’s because I’m fat and the third one just scheduled an ultra sound which I didn’t go.

    All different reasons, I’m confused.
    I have no idea which doctor to take as I’m thinking of switching to private..

    I read your story from 2012 till the current post and now I can’t stop thinking about you. I’m so sorry for your loss. ;(

    Bersabar ok *hugs*

    1. Hi Tasha… thank u for taking ur time to read my site.

      Sorry to hear about ur dad. I no professional but thru experience, i would advise that you follow up with ur check-up. At least it’ll b easier to diagnose and give the proper meds. 🙂

      Like you, memang takut. Even till now whenever I have to go thru any procedures, injections…still takut but at least we usaha. 🙂

      Whenever u need to share what u are going thru for the check-ups, feel free to contact me. Be glad to give a listening ear or share. 🙂

      As for doctors… private it will be very costly per visit. Maybe you can try doc Suzanna from KKH. 🙂

      1. Hello Tini. Thank you so much, will definitely contact you if I need someone to talk to. Right now, the only person I have is my husband, everyone else around me have never asked me how I’m doing and always take this lightly. 🙁

        I went for the ultra sound just now and they confirmed it’s pcos. My uterus is retroverted and now they referred me to the clinic for patients with pcos. For now, they gave me Norethisterone to help it come.

        Hope you’re doing fine! Take care. <3

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