Wake Me Up When September Ends

IVF Maybe Baby!

Everyone has their own battles to fight on a daily basis. Having gone through an ordeal myself, I have learnt to let go of the not so important things in life. I just take each day as it comes and just go about doing my daily routines. Especially these past 2 weeks leading up to next week. Sometimes I blame myself but I know I shouldn’t. Next week will be their 1 year death anniversary and somehow it cuts deep within whenI recall back the events that leads up to the day I buried them.

Yesterday after a fun night out, having dinner with 2 close girlfriends, I walked back to the car and it just got to me. I went into the car, called mum up started talking about other things just to distract myself and I suddenly I found myself bawling my heart out to mum. Didn’t help that I could hear herself cry as well. I spoke with her throughout the drive home.

Part of me lost hope, really I do. You name it, I have done it but zilch! I know there are many others who have been TTC-ing like forever and alhamdulillah they have been successful along the way and some are still trying but also leaving it up to HIS timing. Well for me, I have slowed things down. Many have asked, be it close or new acquaintances, so what’s next, or when are you trying again? Each time, I can see in their eyes that they are hesitant to ask, in fear that I may be sensitive about the topic. Well, I have maxed out my embroys at KKH, all of which did not survive the blastocysts stage and the 2 that did, did not survive the 2-week wait. If all else fails naturally (which I know won’t happen coz of the damned blardy PCOS that I have), I’ll only start IVF again next year. For now, I’ll keep on keeping myself busy with whatever I can do just to block out this fateful month.

September please pass through fast!

13 comments

  2. Assalamualaikum babe,

    I was on my FB news feed and saw this on Quranic Reminders:

    The Stillborn Fetus Will Drag Its Mother into Paradise by the Umbilical Cord!

    In the Name of Allaah, the Most Merciful, the Ever Compassionateโ€ฆ
    Imaam Ibn Maajah collected an amazing hadeeth in his Sunan, on the authority of Muโ€™aath ibn Jabal, may Allaah be pleased with him, who said that Prophet (may Allaah raise his rank and grant him peace) said:
    ูˆูŽุงู„ู‘ูŽุฐููŠ ู†ูŽูู’ุณููŠ ุจููŠูŽุฏูู‡ู ุฅูู†ู‘ูŽ ุงู„ุณู‘ูู‚ู’ุทูŽ ู„ูŽูŠูŽุฌูุฑู‘ู ุฃูู…ู‘ูŽู‡ูŽ ุจูุณูŽุฑูŽุฑูู‡ู ุฅูู„ูŽู‰ ุงู„ุฌูŽู†ู‘ูŽุฉู ุฅูุฐูŽุง ุงุญู’ุชูŽุณูŽุจูŽุชู’ู‡ู
    โ€œBy the One in whose Hand is my soul, verily the stillborn fetus will drag its mother into Paradise by the umbilical cord if she accepts it (i.e. deals with it patiently, hoping for reward).โ€
    Source: Sunan Ibn Maajah, Kitaab al-Janaaโ€™iz, Chapter: Regarding Those Afflicted with a Stillborn Fetus (#1609). Al-โ€™Allaamah al-Albaanee called it โ€œsaheehโ€ (authentic) in his checking of the book.
    My shaykh, Dr. Muhammad ibn โ€˜Umar Baazmool (may Allaah preserve him), said:
    If a woman gives birth prematurely, or has a miscarriage, and what comes out is in the form of a human, then it is considered a siqt (stillborn). And the blood that comes with it is nifaas (post-partum) blood, and thus takes the related rulings (ie. 40 days of not praying or until the bleeding ceases).

    Written by: Moosaa Richardson

    Had goosebumps and instantly thought of you.

    I just started TTC-ing too and pray that Allah bless us with babies soon, insyaallah. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Maisara.

    1. Waalaikumsalam Maisara… thank you for these words. As much as we are strong but we do falter at times. But yeah thank you for reminding me about this. Not a day goes by that I do not remember them. Thank you! Much appreciated. I do hope that your TTC journey will be smooth. ๐Ÿ™‚ Take care ya