Met up with Dr J. last week and it was day 23 from taking the Puregon. Both the hubs and I were already telling each other that if there’s no results this time round, we’ll put all these on hold. True enough, even after the increase in dosage (which made the morning jabs more painful ok!), the eggs maintained between 9 – 12mm. I needed a freaking 18mm! So after the vaginal scan, got dressed and sat down for Dr. J’s evaluation. he had to call his other colleague again coz he too was puzzled that there wan’t any response to the increase in dosage. His colleague was recommending to increase the dosage after starting a new cycle.

By then, I was trying hard to compose myself. I have never broke down in front of Dr. J before. I think he noticed and asked me what is it that I want to do. Then the dam broke and at the same time, I was trying to explain to Dr. J that we’d want to take a break. He understood that it’s a lil’ taxing on the pockets as well as emotionally. He gave me pills to induce my menses again and we’ll see how it goes from there. He was asking when i’d like to come back. Told him probably after Hari Raya or so. When i’m ready, we’ll try again. After collecting my meds, I held back my tears some more but broke down again in the car. Heart pain… *ouch*

Soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo… that’s it! If it happens, it happens, else life just have to move on I guess. I’d be lying if I am not expecting and the pressure is kind on me coz’ I know that I’m at fault (the fucked up body system… pardon the language!) Sigh!

I guess it’s not my time yet…
🙁