So we are finally starting back our journey. I think it’s safe to say that we are at a better place now. For me personally, I’m at a much better then I was a few months back. I still do shed a tear or two whenever I think about my late babies. But I do take it positively. I still have yet to open the paperbag with the clothes that they were wearing before they were buried. I know it’s by my dresser but I don’t think I’m ready yet to open it. So I’ll just let it be for now.

I started my cycle again in March and we came down to meet Dr. Sadhana again to get my pills to induce my cycle. She recommended me to just go for my frozen embryo transfer (FET) since I have about 7 more in the reserves. She did however highlight again that she will not allow insertion of 2 embryos coz she is worried that the last time things happenned could be that I have a weak cervix. She is recommending the 5 day blastocyst and even if 2 are cultured or split, they will only insert one and refreeze the other one. From the way she assured us, the embies have a higher chance of survival in the womb after being fully cultured outside since at the start she mentioned that we have a good pool of embryos extracted and frozen.

Everything was going as they should be and once the cycle started, I was prescribed the normal dosage of the folic acid and 2mg Progynova for the first few days. So this is process is similar to my fresh cycle. I needed to keep taking the progynova to increase my uterys lining. I was so nervous that the lining may not grow to the desired thickness. From the various forums, anything from 8mm onwards is good enough. I had to re-look back at what I had done the last time round to get my lining of a good size. I found these reads, here and here.

Here’s what I took on my end and it helps when you read and join forums, else you won’t know all these methods exists. Good for ladies undergoing IVF and IUI.

• Blackmore Conceive Gold
  

  

• Egg Whites – lots of ’em, either from half boiled eggs or hard boiled eggs
• Promogranate – I just bought myself a juice extractor and have been buying the fruit and juicing it. The last time round, I’d buy the bottled ones but it prooved too sweet for me and I’d end up adding extra water to it. Apparently, 100% pomegranate juice is great for your uterus and some women claim that drinking it every single day helped their uterine lining significantly.
• Red Bean Soup – I boil it on my own but at the same time, I get them from the coffee shops that sells desserts as well.
• Brazil Nuts – I keep munching on them! So addictive. the only place that

So this time round I had the following and was taking it religiously till my scan on 19 March. Come 19 March, I was so nervous! I was happy that the lining was a 8.2mm lining. I was relieved and the gynea in charge told me to be on standby and tenatively the insertion was after my brother’s wedding! Phew! I was really relieved. The husband was warning me not to move around much if I had done the FET then.

So the FET was set to be on 26 March 2015. I was told to fast the night before from 11 pm onwards and to come with an full bladder for the insertion. The day came and both the husband and I were excited and he was already telling me what to do and what to do after the FET. When our turn came, the nurse couldn’t find our file and I was already not feeling good about it.

My file was with Dr. Sadhana. She called us in and there came the bad news, a blow that I did not expect at all… I was lost for a while in the room. They thawed the 1st 2 embryos and they didn’t survive on the 3rd day and then thawed one more but the emby didn’t survive after thawing. I didn’t expect that at all.

She wanted me to stop taking the Progynova and my cycle should come naturally the week after and mentioned that this time round, they will thaw all 4 left and see which 2 are good and will insert in two. She mentioned that based on what they saw this week, there might be a possibility that the embryos may not survive at all even after inserted in. By saying that, it’s making me feel uuurrgghhh. But there’s still a possibility that both may survive and we’ll cross the bridge when the situation comes.

I didn’t say much to the husband when walking to the car. trying to control myself not to cry. I only did upon entering the car. Something which I did not expect at all… I guess its just not time yet…

🙁