How Does One Cope with Such a Loss…

Maybe Baby!

So many things happenned just after the last post. Am not ready yet to go into details yet for now.

I guess this is just my avenue of letting out for now. With so much guilt weighing on my shoulders and a lot of what could’ve, should’ve or would’ve been done in order to prevent it.

I lost my twins within the next few days of the last happy post. It was a traumatic experience that I do not know how to come out off for now and deal with it. Always being the jovial person that I am, putting up a strong wall up among friends and relatives.

While the husband finally getting some sleep… i looked at him and started bawling silently… not wanting him to worry about me so much. I know that he feels that he has to be strong for me but I just feel it isn’t fair for him…

How does 1 cope and move on from the loss of seeing them being bathed for burial, seeing that they have fully developed, kissing ’em for the last time, carrying them for the last time and burying them. Indeed God loves them more and I’m sure HE has better plans for both of us.

For now, its still too freshly etched in my mind. Insya-allah we’ll get by this. For now, I’ll just remember them by the kicks and flutters while I had them inside for the brief 5 months…

Alfateha…

19 comments

  1. Salam takziah tini. I went through 3 miscarriages myself. I know the feeling is indescribable and almost inconsolable. I doakan hati you cepat2 diubati. Allah is the greatest planner of all and He knows best. Get well soon and if you need to let it all out, pls do. You are not alone. You are in my prayers and I’m sure many others as well. Take care dear. I wish I could give you a hug right now. *HUGS*

    1. Hi dear, thank you for your words of encouragement. To go through 1 is so painful and what more 3 for you. Insyaallah I will get through this. Slowly but surely. Thank you. *Hugs*

  2. Alfateha…
    I cannot imagine your grief right now Tini. When i found out about it last night, i kept thinking about you & the babies. Couldn’t help crying because we went thru everything at the same time and i hope Allah ease the sadness for both you & your husband soon. Whatever happen, please don’t beat yourself up over it. Allah has his own reasons and i’m sure he wouldn’t test you beyond your capacity. You’re such a strong woman and i know u’ll emerge even stronger from this. Please take care of your health now.. U know there’s so many people you can talk to if you wish to have a listening ear.. *HUGS*

    1. Thank you Dyan. Insyaallah I will come back stronger. In the meantime, pls do be careful ok and I hope both you and your baby are well. Can’t wait to see your lil’ one! 🙂 *hugs*

  3. I cant help but cry when I read this. I’m so sorry for your loss babe. I pray He gives you strength to get through this..

  5. i don’t have the right words to say since i couldn’t possibly understand the true extent of your loss enough to articulate them but you and your husband have my prayers, tini. may you be granted with strength and peace in times of grief. salam takziah 🙁

  6. My darling niece, I’ve just released a fresh set of tears reading your post. I’ve been worrying and hurting for you all the way here. I know you will be in tears for a while more and that’s ok. Part of grieving a loss (or 2) is to cry, be angry at God and the world, and only then can you go through acceptance then will you feel calm. We don’t know why you;re not meant to receive them at the end of 40 weeks but be rest assured, life is not always cruel. There will come a time for you to receive happiness again. We are always here for you! <3

  7. I just got back from a week of my cousin’s wedding chaos and just only read about this. Masyallah Tini & Nan, like your blog title says “How does one cope with such a loss….” Its a question only Allah can answer……no parents should ever experience burying their own child / children and no words can ever calm & soothe you both. Only Allah swt knows Best and only to Him you both should turn to seek calmness. My salam takziah and you shall meet your Twins in Jannah, insyallah *hugggggg*……

  8. Only Allah knows your pain. Allah give the hardest battle to His strongest hamba because Allah know you can do this. You can go through this dear and you will come out stronger. May this ordeal tambahkan you and your husband’s iman. In sha Allah, you will soon see your 2 sweethearts waiting for both of you kat syurga nanti.

    Take care Tini and rest well. Jangan fikir-fikir sangat k babe. *hugs!*

  9. Salam takziah to you hubby n your love ones. Semoga Allah SWT kurniakan u n hubby, kesabaran, keimanan, ketabahan melalui this phase.
    Maybe you can tell your husband: dont cry alone, share your tears with me. Dont need to be strong.its not only my loss, its our loss.i need you n you need me. Lets hold hands n go through this together n not as 1 individual.

  10. Inalilahwainalilahirajiun…. masyaAllah sis, only Allah will understand how u feel and what u and husband are going through… but have faith in HIM… for HE knows best… indeed, both of u da cukup beruntung for the twins are already praying for ibu bapanya di sana… some dont even get the privellege to experience pregnancy… or motherhood… im just a passerby, saw ur post, stopped to read. And id like to seek ur permission if its ok to share this with my pregnant mommies so they cn safeguard themselves shud situations like this occur… Thank u so much dear… stay strong, ill pray for Allah to bless u with another baby to lengkapkan, hilangkan rasa kesedihan dan teman untuk ceriakan u and husband…Amiin InsyaAllah… tkmo fikir2 pasal pcos, all this… this are all science. Kiter org islam fikir cara islam… Allah tahu bila nk kasi… masa sesuai untuk kasi… asalkan kita usaha, redha, bersyukur, dan banyak2la sedekah especially to anak2 yatim… tk perlu bagitau siapa cukup Allah saja tahu. InsyaAllah sis… im only passing advices that were passed on to me… and it proved right when i followed them… so i passed on to my sisters so they will be blessed the same way or even better insyaAllah Amiin. Chin up darling ya 🙂 we got ur back…

    Assalamualaikum,
    Diyana

    1. waalaikumsalam Diyana, thank you for your words of encouragement. We are much better now, alhamdullilah. We have placed our trust in HIM and HE knows better and InsyaAllah, who know there’s something better coming our way.

      Assalammualaikum
      Tini

      Sure, be my guest to share. In light, that my story may help some others. 🙂 Thank you again for taking your time to read my site. 🙂