It’s has been only 2 weeks since they left us and it has been a whirlwind of emotions going on. Today, after 2 weeks, the boobs starts to lactate. I just didn’t know what to do, I was lost… and I just started to break down.

Started googling and they gave tips of placing cold cabbage over the nips but still it didn’t stop and then messaged a gf who asked me to dap a warm cloth over so that it won’t engorge. I did just that as well and then I recalled a gf who approached me a few weeks ago and calmed me dwn coz she was also in a similar situation like me years before… she advised me that I’ll have to pump it out. I have never done this before and I do not have any freaking idea how to do it. *uuuwwaaaa*

For now, I am letting it leak out on its own & let it be for the time being coz there are conflicting info on the web stating that if I were to stimulate the boobs, it’s just going to produce more milk and if I don’t it’s going to form lumps and it will engorge! 🙁

Later part of the evening, I chanced upon different forums and also several blogs with mums who have been in similar situations, they stated that I will have to try to decrease my fluid intake so that it’ll reduce the milk supply hopefully. Do not run hot water over my boobs else it’s going to stimulate more milk supply. To also dab over some ice cubes to help stop the supply.

The husb kept asking me why I was crying. I didn’t know how to explain to him. I don’t think that he would understand.

After 2 weeks, this had to happen and it’s just another heart-wrenching reminder that I had lost my babies and seriously this was the last thing on my mind to have happenned coz I thought that the tablet that the hospital gave me before I was discharged was enough to make me stop producing any milk.

When I was initially trying to pump some of the milk out, it sadly made me realize that I had milk but I had no babies to give it to…